5 Things to Avoid Saying to a Loved One With Dementia

Have you ever said the wrong thing? Maybe your objective was to compliment a friend on her new haircut, but you came across sounding like you were criticizing her previous hairstyle. Selecting our words carefully is always important, but even more so when speaking with a loved one with dementia. The words we say as well as the way we say them can significantly impact the person’s emotional well-being and quality of life.

Here are five things never to say to a person with dementia, along with alternative approaches to foster understanding and connection:

1. “Do you remember…?” Asking someone with dementia to remember specific details can lead to embarrassment or anxiety if they cannot remember. Instead, provide gentle prompts or share your own memories to spark conversation without putting pressure on them to remember. For example, say, “I remember when we went to that restaurant together. It was such a lovely evening,” allowing them to engage in the conversation without feeling pressured to recall specific details.
2. “You’re wrong.” Invalidating a person’s thoughts or memories may cause frustration and distress. Rather than dismissing their reality, validate their feelings and experiences. For instance, say, “I understand that you see it that way,” or redirect the conversation to a different topic. By acknowledging their perspective, you validate their emotions and maintain a sense of connection.
3. “You just told me that.” Continuously pointing out their forgetfulness can be counterproductive and hurtful. Instead, practice patience and respond as if it’s the first time you have heard the information. This approach preserves their dignity and reduces feelings of frustration. You can say, “Thank you for sharing that with me,” and continue the conversation without dwelling on their forgetfulness.
4. “You don’t have dementia.” Minimizing or denying their condition can lead to feelings of confusion and isolation. It’s essential to acknowledge their reality while offering support and reassurance. Express empathy and assure them that you are there to help navigate any challenges they might face. You could say, “I’m here to support you through this journey, no matter what comes our way.”
5. “You’re being difficult.” Labeling their behavior as difficult or challenging can escalate tension and hinder effective communication. Instead, approach them with kindness and understanding. Identify the underlying needs or emotions driving their behavior and respond with patience and empathy. For example, say, “I can see that you are feeling frustrated. Let’s take a moment to figure out how we can make things better together.”

Communication can become very challenging as dementia progresses. Let our highly trained, knowledgeable dementia care specialists help. Contact us at (954) 486-6440 for more information on our specialized care for people who have dementia in Fort Lauderdale, Plantation, Deerfield Beach, and the surrounding areas. We understand the unique needs of individuals living with dementia and are dedicated to providing thoughtful care that promotes dignity and quality of life.